nisavidan

…life from my perspective

MY GOING FORWARD SEEMS LIKE RETREAT

I’m not a good cook – but I want to eat healthy, vegan food.

I want to be rich – but I don’t wanna work for THE MAN and I don’t have the blueprint for “financial success and independence.”

I want love – but I don’t want to endure the risks and sacrifices associated with it.

I want to be better than I think I am and move beyond where I’ve been – but I’m not quite sure how to get there or how to respond to it if/when it comes.

I want to look and feel pretty – but I hate my hair and most days my body betrays me.

I am afraid of losing my mother – but I know death is a part of life and I STILL cannot imagine my life without her.

I want to be understood – but I don’t want people to learn who I really am.

I want to conquer my desires – but I have an addiction to sugar that has been extremely difficult to shake.

I want to KNOW GOD – but I have contradictory thoughts and feelings that, at times, interfere with this process.

I believe in love – but not in people whose job it is to do it justice.

The pain of lost loves have left me numb. Not bitter, manipulative, vengeful or vindictive – just numb.

Masturbation is good. VERY good.

I want to be free.

My sister, cousins and best friend are ALL GHETTO. Though I’ve tried countless times to refine them, my efforts have been futile.

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This entry was posted on December 29, 2010 by in Diet, Health and Wellness, Introspection, Lifestyle, Love, Relationships, Religion, Sex and tagged , , , , , , , .

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