…life from my perspective
“TALK TO ME MANNNN!!!
A new diet. A new outlook. A new attitude. A new vision. A new year. A new you. But I knew you. And who you are is who you’re destined to be. No need to make yourself ANY MORE anxious with life and it’s fancy frills than you already are. Now that’s not to say we shouldn’t make improvements along the way. And by no means am I suggesting that we be satisfied with where we are without any desire to be better than what we were. All I’m saying is, minimize your stresses cause if you don’t you’re gonna make yourself sick. Don’t ruin the journey by becoming too preoccupied with the destination. Stop over thinking and over analyzing the maze trying to plan your escape route before you even get lost. Sometimes finding your way after becoming lost or getting back up after the fall is better than never having fallen or having been lost at all. Now listen at me. I’m offering up advice that I need to take my damn self. But I realize THIS time THIS advice IS for me. I had an emotional meltdown when I returned to this place across the pond that I commonly refer to as the twilight zone. I think my 2-wk visit at home and subsequent return made me miss home THAT MUCH MORE. And I thought grad school at Northwestern was the hardest thing I’d done. Nuh Unh. Look at it like this, if Northwestern was like Diggy Simmons or J. Cole, then this UK move is like Scarface. Or Raekwon. Or Jay Electronica. Or Rakim. Yeah…..HARD LIKE THAT! Not giving up and finishing what I start is what’s keeping me here. Right now I can’t see the forest for the trees and self-doubt, which I’ve been told is healthy, creeps in at times when I need self-confidence and self-assurance the most. When it’s all said and done I hope I learn something. Not just about fuel cells but something about me. About life. About love. About relationships. About the world and my place in it. Don’t get me wrong. The PhD is cool but I hope to gain something much greater than the degree when this is over. I want my hurt, longing, loneliness, grinding and sacrifice to be worth much more than a picture frame encased piece of linen paper.
“who you haters think you talking to I’m the fuckin’ boss..”
Well, if there’s nothing more than I hate it’s a pity party…for myself. So now that the tears have dried and school’s back in session, my focus is regaining its direction. I’m back to blogging, Bikram-ing, spin-ing and my daily routine of reading and writing. I’ll be working in new labs and occupying refurbished office space in 2 departments so this research may be fun after all. Nothing like ghetto-ing up new lab space with messy, sloppy experiments!! And now that you know my plans for the 2-0-1-2, I hope you take time this year to do more of what makes you happy. I hope you relish in the things that make you beautiful. I hope you challenge yourself with things that will make you better. I hope you rise to heights that before you’ve only dreamed of. I hope we ALL begin to see ourselves as reflections of God’s grace and start living our lives in ways that make HIM and our loved ones proud. Until tomorrow youngn’s.